Red Balls of Fire

Remember “Wrong Dog?” [See May 2015] Grand Champion Maltese, Loki? Looking for a bitch to mate? Well he nearly missed the joy of fatherhood. In October 2015, he had hernia surgery. No big deal.  However, when we picked him up, he had two fire-engine red balls. I almost fainted. Did they destroy his balls? Was he sterile? Had they ruined him for life? How did this happen?

They didn’t know. Really? It was decided we would have his sperm tested to see if it was, well you know, still, ahem viable, swimming around. Perky. But, we had to wait 60 days for them to regroup after being nearly seared to death. Sixty days later, big balls test. They took Loki into the back to do their thing, whatever that means. I wasn’t asking.  I did wonder if his sperm was collected by hand or by a machine to do the deed.  Sorry, I’m curious. Half hour later the technician came out and asked if we had ever bred him? No, why? Just asking. And she disappeared. Another half hour, the vet came out.  They couldn’t collect a sample.  They couldn’t “excite” him enough to “collect” anything. Even with the scent of a bitch in heat under his nose. Oh God, I thought. We have a gay dog. They suggested we bring Loki back for a retry when they had a bitch in heat. Never happened.  In the summer of 2016, a breeder called and wanted to use Loki as a stud. Okay, but he might not be able to well, er, perform. They took a chance on him. He stayed with the breeder for ten days, and totally ignored the bitch.  Damn. Gay dog. The breeder, undaunted, somehow inseminated the bitch. I didn’t ask how. Success, three healthy puppies. But, he still might be gay.

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