Grocery Woes

When my spouse died in September 2020, my disposable income was cut by one-third. I was worried that I would be broke at the end of the month because, for sure, my spouse didn’t account for one-third of the expenses. I added a contribution from an annuity we purchased in 1996, which had grown nicely. It didn’t cover the entire loss of income, but it helped, and I was sure I would somehow manage. And I did.

I am told that in 2022 or 2023, food prices increased by twenty-seven percent. I didn’t need to be told because my grocery expenses for myself and my daughter, who lives with me, skyrocketed overnight. We had been getting by spending around $500 to $600 a month to feed us. And we bought what we wanted without looking at a price tag. Then, last month, I spent that much in BJs and another $300 in Harris Teeter. I was shocked.

When my spouse died in September 2020, my disposable income was cut by one-third. I was worried that I would be broke at the end of the month because, for sure, my spouse didn’t account for one-third of the expenses. I added a contribution from an annuity we purchased in 1996, which had grown nicely. It didn’t cover the entire loss of income, but it helped, and I was sure I would somehow manage. And I did.

I am told that in 2022 or 2023, food prices increased by twenty-seven percent. I didn’t need to be told because my grocery expenses for myself and my daughter, who lives with me, skyrocketed overnight. We had been getting by spending around $500 to $600 a month to feed us. And we bought what we wanted without looking at a price tag. Then, last month, I spent that much in BJs and $300 in Harris Teeter. I was shocked.

It seemed like overnight, we went from spending with abandon on food to checking the price on every item, cutting out coupons, and only shopping on senior discount days. But even doing this only shaved a mere $100/month off our food costs.

Even my daughter, who never gave a thought to how much we spent on food shopping, was concerned. We talked about it every time we went shopping, which was about once a month, with supplemental shopping trips for perishables like produce and dairy items. We wondered what we could do to minimize our expenses.

And so it began. We had to cut out or minimize “want” foods like chips, nuts, candy, or even prepared meals like those delicious Bertolini meals that can be cooked in eleven minutes. We were faced with making these meals ourselves from scratch. Did I mention that neither of us particularly likes to cook? This helped a bit, but not as much as we expected.

We pondered what else we could do each time we sat down to make our grocery list. So, we eliminated all brand-name foods in favor of store brands. This practice helped more than we anticipated, and we were so proud of ourselves. Forget the fact that some of the store-brand foods tasted like cardboard. We’ll get used to it, we rationalized. Yeah, right.

As a last-ditch effort to control our food expenses, we analyzed our “need” foods. To our amazement, we found some items we could do without or, at best, find a less expensive alternative. For example, we could make tuna or egg salad for sandwiches rather than buy expensive lunchmeat. We could also make chicken salad from any leftover chicken. We didn’t need olives, pickles, or four different kinds of salad dressing.

Due to our grocery list due diligence, our last monthly foray into restocking our shelves and refrigerator we saw a decline in our spending around $100. With this achievement, we are encouraged to keep looking for more ways to lower our food costs. We may even be rewarded with some weight loss as well.

My Aviary

It didn’t start out that way. In the beginning, just two, five pounds of seed each, bird feeders were located on my back deck. This lasted from 2005 to 2018, when we moved. Now, there was no good place to hang these two feeders, and besides, they were now all rusted and ugly. I don’t do ugly. After a massive cyber-search, I found a smaller, lovely feeder that had a solar panel on the top. This feeder would light up at night, and I could see how much seed to refill. This new feeder worked great but didn’t attract the vast number of birds that previously flocked to my feeders. It was placed on a hook outside of my siding glass door, and I could see it from the kitchen and dining area.         

In addition, in 2018, I purchased a gorgeous glass birdbath that featured a beautiful peacock on the rim. I had placed it in my Zen garden off my front porch. I couldn’t see it from the window by my desk. In the summer of 2022, I moved it to the back deck and placed it where I could see it from my desk as I worked. The birds came to bathe several times a day, and sometimes, as many as ten sparrows were bathing in it at one time. What fun to watch. Too bad I had to take the birdbath in during the winter for fear the glass might break in the cold.

Now, I could see my birds in two places all day. One day, I noticed that some mourning doves were eating the small amount of seeds that dropped off the feeder onto the deck. They were too big to perch on the feeder, so I started tossing some seeds onto the deck for them.

One day, a squirrel appeared and started to eat the seeds on the deck. Then, as fate would have it, my daughter brought home a small bag of unshelled peanuts. I didn’t eat many of them, nor did she. I wondered if the squirrel would eat them, so I threw a handful of nuts on the deck. Three squirrels appeared and quickly scarfed them up. My aviary was now becoming a zoo. I loved it.

Yesterday, we had a huge snowstorm that dropped over ten inches of snow on my deck. Knowing the birds needed extra seeds to keep warm, I tossed handfuls of seeds on the deck several times during the day. At one point, I counted over twenty birds munching away on my seed feast.

With temperatures dipping into the single digits this morning, the snow glistened in the sun and refused to melt. I threw out more seeds and nuts and waited to see what birds or squirrels would arrive. Much to my surprise, a huge Blue Jay swooped in and flew off with an unshelled peanut in its beak! It was the first time in over twenty years that a jay had visited my aviary. I was thrilled. I tossed out more nuts and seeds, sat back, and enjoyed my aviary/zoo enjoying their breakfast as I sipped my hot tea.

Tick But Not Tock

I called my adult daughter, who lives with me, to come have a look. I thought I had a scab on the inside of my right thigh, inches from my crotch. Being naturally curious, especially about anything popping up on my body, I tried to use a mirror to see what it was. I couldn’t. My eyes weren’t good enough, and my mirror didn’t magnify high enough.

With her jeweler’s loupe, she investigated the site. I sat on my walker facing her, with my right leg hoisted on the handle. My daughter was sitting on the bed, facing me, and my left leg was dangling off her right thigh. I was grateful I had donned my underwear minutes before. But I was even more thankful we weren’t being recorded or within view of one of the security cameras in the house.

It turned out to be a tick. A tiny, head-of-a-pin size tick. Now, I don’t know if this particular guy was carrying Lyme disease, but I wasn’t about to let him (or maybe her) stay on my body any longer to see if I developed any symptoms, which I’m told are dreadful.

Since the outbreak of Lyme disease back in the dark ages of the 1960s, no one had ever heard much about ticks or Lyme disease. It wasn’t until 1981 that a researcher, Willy Burgdorfer, who was studying Rocky Mountain Fever and Deer ticks, began to study Lyme Disease. As a consequence, he noted that the two diseases had similar symptoms. After further research, he discovered that a bacteria-carrying tick, spirochete, was causing Lyme Disease. The scientific community honored Willy by naming the bacteria Borrelia burgdorferi, and Lyme disease became a household name.  

A decade or more ago, I thought I had a skin tag under my left armpit. I picked at that skin tag for two weeks, but it never dropped off. Finally, I asked my spouse (now playing the game of Bridge with Jesus) to take a look. Why didn’t I look? Have you ever tried to take a close-up look under your armpit? Even with a mirror, it is difficult. At any rate, if you are guessing by now that it was a tick, you’re right. Compared to my mini tick on my thigh, this one was about the size of my pinky fingernail. And it seems these little suckers like warm moist places.

I have only acquired three ticks in my 85 years. The other one was on the top of my head. I still don’t know why I get them at all since I don’t go romping through the forest or over the meadows and grasses. What I do know is that when a tick is discovered lunching on my body, it will be removed immediately. No Lyme disease for me.

Starting My Day

I belong to an online writing group that posts prompts three times a week. Today’s prompt was “Starting my day.” I never thought of myself as having a “routine” to start my day. But as I age and have so many small tasks to accomplish in the morning, I find myself planning my entire day around a series of tasks I need to complete before I start my day.

I wake up anywhere from 7 a.m. to 8 a.m. I have my alarm set for 8 a.m., but I am usually up before then. This morning, it was 7:50 a.m. My dog, Loki, sleeps with me, and I take him out for his constitutional first. Next, I will make my bed. I hate clutter, and clutter for me is a messy bed.

Then I undress and weigh myself. I suppose I could do that once a week, but weighing myself dictates how much I eat that day for weight control. Next, I shower, blow-dry my hair, brush my teeth and dress. Next, I will get a bottle of warm water and take my medications.

Around 8:30 a.m., I join a Zoom call with Panache Desai, an Indian “guru” of sorts. It is called “Call to Cool, Calm Meditation,” and he shares his wisdom with some 3,000 folks worldwide and ends at 9:00 a.m. It is free and I love to listen to him.

After that, I turn on the TV to “Live with Kelly and Mark.” I love the part at about 9:12 a.m. where a caller tries to stump Mark, who tries to guess a correct situation from two submitted by a phone-in caller. If he guesses wrong, the caller wins a mug and a T-shirt that says, “I stumped Mark.” Stumping Mark has become a symbol of honor and fun.

As I watch that, I am brewing my cup of green tea and opening a chocolate-dipped granola bar for my breakfast. Finally, I break up a quarter of a peanut butter-flavored granola bar for Loki’s breakfast, eat my granola bar, and turn on my computer to play Wordle.

That’s how I start my day, every day, unless I have been careless enough to schedule an appointment before 10 a.m. Have a great day, and I hope something good happens to you today.

Best Friends

I have had several “Best Friends,” in my life, but two came to the forefront of my life recently. When I lived in Connecticut, I had one best friend, Carolyn. We were soul-sisters (SS). However, when I remarried, we grew apart because I believe she thought she didn’t fit in with our lifestyle, which was rather “Preppy.” Some forty years later when her sister was visiting us last June, she suggested I call her. I did, and when I told her it was I, her first words were, “My best friend.” Yes, even after all these years of separation she felt that way. I hoped we could reconnect. But we didn’t have a chance to reconnect. She died last December.

Soul-Sisters (n.) connected eternally, praying and cheering for each other, laughing till stomach hurt, and somehow makes everything all right.

I also had a best friend in high school. Her name was Veronica and we too were sister-soul mates. She was supposed to be my maid of honor when I married and me, hers. It didn’t turn out that way because when I married she was out of state at college. And, when she married we were estranged due to a complicated situation that involved her family and I wasn’t asked to be her maid of honor. We tried to reconnect after she married, but there was still too much hurt bubbling beneath the skin, and it didn’t work. Then I moved to Connecticut and our connection was broken.

NEVER HAPPENED

Last month, I was visiting my ex-husband (yes we are now friends) and his wife in Florida and he mentioned that he had connected with Veronica who now also lived in Florida. They had a lively conversation he reported. Just before I left, he handed me a small piece of paper that had her name, telephone number, and email address on it. He simply said, “Please call her, she’d love to hear from you.”

This is not her real information

Yesterday, I called her and we chatted for over an hour. Later, I texted her a picture from my yearbook where it said, “This page reserved for Ronnie (her nickname).” It was blank. This morning we were texting back and forth over that since she thought it was 48 years ago and I reminded her it was 65 years ago. She texted back that her math was never good. And so it went that here it is that I have now reconnected with my high school best friend and SS while losing another.

Life is beautiful, amazing, magical, and mystical in an unexpected way.

Built Anew


I find that I am in the process of building anew my life without my spouse. It has only been eleven months since he died, and while the pain has abated, the memories are fresh for the picking depending on my mood.

Start New Life High Resolution Stock Photography and Images - Alamy

 

I have found a new freedom to make my own choices without concern for another and I finally find it exhilarating rather than guilty.  Guilty that I felt free from some bond that shouldn’t be broken, but was by death. I think we hang on to that bond out of some sense that if we let go it will feel as if we had abandoned our love for the one we lost. Truth is, we haven’t for that special love will always be something I will cherish and hold dear in my heart, but will not let it bind me to memories that prevent me from making free choices.  I have, however, lost that companion and advisor when I question one of my choices and must rely completely on my own information, intuition, and inclination. 

Making Choices High Resolution Stock Photography and Images - Alamy

And, if my choice turns out to be the wrong one, I’ll be the only one who has to deal with it and make it right or abandon it without another to say, “I told you so” or “Why didn’t you listen to me?” I feel like the caged bird set free to fly into the world to explore a life heretofore restricted and restrained. Yes, I am going to enjoy this new freedom that allows me to rebuild my life anew, in the image of my own imagination and choice. Watch out world, here I come on wings sprouted anew.

5 Daily Choices the Smartest People Make | Inc.com

Climate Change Where Art Thou?

What is it with this weather? I thought that climate change meant that things were heating up, that those snowbound New England winters would turn into forever springtime and the snowbirds could stay home. Those in Florida would love that as the traffic would be bearable and the beaches would be all theirs. They might not like the slump in the economy due to the dearth of northern dollars flooding in, but hey, you know you can’t have it all.

Climate Change, People Influence Climate Change. Climate Change. Vector  Illustration Stock Vector - Illustration of environment, ecology: 151402320

I am sitting at my desk in lower Delaware, the sun is streaming in my easterly window and I’m freezing. It is May 12 for God’s sake and is only 61-degrees outside when it should be somewhere in the mid 70’s. Those May flowers, brought on by April showers, are shivering in their planters and I’m concerned they will not survive until June. As much as I love my spring and summer blossoms, I’m not a gardener by nature. The thought of having to buy new plants and replace my frozen buds doesn’t excite me.

20,252 Wilted Plant Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

However, I have noted that it is our human nature to complain when it is too cold and complain when it is too hot. In the winter months, we run from heated house to heated car to heated workplace, to heated grocery store to heated pharmacy back to the heated house. In the summer months, we exchange the heat for air conditioning and rarely suffer exposure to extreme hot or cold weather for more than three nanoseconds. We just can’t win unless we either love to be outside to ski or sled, or outside at the beach to bask and bake in the sun.

Grayton Beach State Park | Florida State Parks
I refuse to give up on the idea of skiing this season: I need it for my  mental health

So I’m waiting for this climate change to settle somewhere in the middle and give me 50-degrees give or take a few degrees every night and 80-degrees give or take a few degrees every day. Or, as many have suggested, I could move to San Diego where those temperatures exist 365 days a year, and quit complaining.

36 Hours in San Diego | Best Locals Travel Guide - YouTube

The Wedding

Not too long ago I wrote about taking off my wedding rings after my spouse died last fall. I have also pondered since then as to what to do with his wedding ring. It is way too big (size 11 or 12) for any of my fingers and I’m sure it would fetch a pretty penny if I sold it for the gold content. However, that didn’t seem like a very honorable thing to do since it represented our 40 years together. Ponder, ponder, ponder.

I also remember writing about our “Logo” some years ago on one of my blogs. Maybe even on one before I lost them all to a hard drive crash before cloud storage. The logo was of two seagulls flying together which my spouse wrote about in an early love letter. In the letter he compared our lives as two gulls who fly together most of the time, but also fly away on their own path for a while, but always return to fly together. He wore a gold pair of flying gulls I had made for him around a chain on his neck until he died. He loved to tell people about how it represented our love, togetherness, but also our independence.

I finally decided to meld his wedding band and the two flying gulls together and have them made into one pendant. The rub here was that I have a Jerusalem cross that I bought in Jerusalem in 1998 that have worn around my neck every day since then. It is a gorgeous piece and I was hesitant to stop wearing it in favor of the gull-ring piece.

And so, the wedding took place. I took them all to a jeweler and had them pieced together into one pendant. It is exquisite and I now carry some of my love with me every day while still wearing the cross I cherish. A win-win.

The Bras Are Off

The Bras Off

I recently had to have a CT scan, but before it could be done, the technician said I had to have an EKG (Electrocardiogram – why the initials are a “K” and not a “C” is beyond me).  As he was about to lift my blouse to attach the electrodes, I said, “Now don’t be scared, but I have no bra on.” He hesitated. I added, “I haven’t worn a bra in at least 30 years. They are instruments of torture.” I don’t know what he thought after that, but the female assistant burst into laughter and said, “Can you stay here all day, you are my kinda woman, and after the morning I’ve had, I want you to stay and cheer me up.” We both chuckled. The flush-faced male technician lifted my blouse, attached the electrodes, and carried on trying hard to make me believe my drooping ladies were an everyday occurrence to him.

CT Scan, CAT Scan

This bra talk got me thinking about not wearing my bra since I have not worn a bra in over 30 years. Oh, by the way, in case anyone is saying, “Ewwww,” right about now, I always wear two layers or at least a camisole, so my girl’s nipples won’t offend. I have found that bras don’t have any measurable effect on keeping my girls up and bouncy. Inch by cruel inch, they slowly slithered past my waistline and are now becoming intimate with my belly button. Each morning I stand nude in front of the mirror and cup them in both hands and lift them to my twenty-year-old something position. Of course, not for their benefit, but so I can have a moment to recall their glory days. Those perfect 34B orbs were the envy of all my friends. Especially Andrea, who was a whopping 44DD, and Penny, who was a minuscule 30AA.

Aging Gracefully From Rags to Riches | COW PASTURE CHRONICLES

Over the years, I have also learned that bras may also contribute to cancer. I won’t bore you with all the research details, but it has something to do with constricting our blood vessels and lymph-somethings. Anything that constricts or binds up the flow of our bodily fluids can’t be good. So it makes a lot of sense that it might be a cause for any number of rather unpleasant consequences, including cancer.  Surely kidney stones back up our kidneys and are very painful.  Bladder infections can form large blood clots in the bladder and contribute to pain and suffering.  We all know that blocked arteries cause heart attacks, constipation isn’t good, and God knows what else goes on underneath our unique sack of skin in the dark recesses of our body.

450 Maxine Cartoons & Quotes ideas | maxine, funny, bones funny

Come to think of it, in our au naturel state, nothing binds us up.  Maybe the healthiest alternative is to go naked.  It has its advantages – we don’t have to keep “in style,” no dry-cleaning bills, no need for a washer and dryer, a walk-in closet space could be used as an extra bedroom for small people.  We could fill our minds with much more helpful information instead of wasting it deciding what to wear, what color looks best, or whether or not a particular outfit makes us look fat.  And our time – think of the time spent shopping for clothes – hey, we could read the classics, listen to music, volunteer at a non-profit, play with our children or grandchildren, write that book……the possibilities are endless…or at least bra-less.

Erin go braless | Etsy

Forever

After my husband died in September 2020 I found that I had joined a host of wingles. Wingle is what my daughter calls me because she didn’t like the term “Widow” as it reminded her of the black widow spider who consumed her mate after mating. I must agree that is not a pleasant vision.

How to Identify a Black Widow Spider | Black widow spider, Widow spider, Black  widow

So, she invented “Wingle” which is a contraction of “widow – wi” and “single – ngle. and it has stuck.

But I digress. I had a quandary – when should I stop wearing my wedding rings. As wingle after wingle stopped by to drop off a meal for my family and visitors, or I ran into one in the grocery store, I would ask them when they stopped wearing their rings. One said after about a year when she took them off to garden and never put them back on. Another said she couldn’t remember, they were just gone one day. One said she considered herself still married and still wears hers. Another said she just put them on her right hand, but only the engagement ring. One wears her engagement ring on the ring finger and the wedding ring on her pinkie. Well, I certainly had a choice now didn’t I?

Wedding Ring Guide

And then I remembered the wedding vows Ralph and I exchanged some forty years earlier. We had changed the part that said, “to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death,” to “love and to cherish forever.” Forever.

And it struck me then that being a Christian and believing in the afterlife, I would be loving my beloved forever. I no longer had to wonder when I would remove my wedding rings.

God gave me you to cherish and treasure forever. - Romantic Love Quote |  Romantic love quotes, Cherish quotes, Hello quotes